Olive Smoot Bean, Correspondence, 1883

File — Box: 1, Folder: 18

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February 6, 1883-Provo City, Utah
My own true husband
"...I have been alone a good deal lately and am likely to be more so now for Nom and Emer are going to be married this week....I am going to try to get Cell to stay here nights, for I cannot bear to stay all alone with the children....I miss Pollie's company sadly."
February 13, 1883-Swords Creek, Virginia
My darling loving ones at home
"...Olive, if Polly has to leave you, see that she is well rewarded for the kindness rendered us, and Polly, I sincerely hope you will arrange your labor so that you can be at our home part of the time, and do not work too hard, remember there is a bright future before you, and all the righteous in Israel.... Oh! you can not conceive of the love, which burns within my bosom for such priceless jewels....I fear that my father does not properly grasp the sacredness of the covenants which he is seeking to take upon himself; indeed it is difficult for the most prayerful and reflective minds to comprehend them; therefore I pray God to bless him with wisdom and the Holy Spirit to guide and control him in these matters, and cause him to realize, for every unnecessary pain inflicted in the bosom of our dear mother, he will be held strictly accountable; for I am satisfied these things can be brought about in peace, harmony and love if gone into with prayerful hearts."
February 16, 1883-Provo City, Utah
Dearest truest husband
"...You only, Will, can imagine my horror, when night before last, at twelve o'clock, [Virginia] woke me up with the awful croup. I was alone at the time...and I sent for your...mother...and she came at once and we went to work with the baby, and before morning she was better....Oh! Will, you can better imagine than I can describe my feelings, when I heard our little darling give that awful barking cough. It fairly made my heart stand still, and in a moment, all that we have suffered and lost rushed through my mind and shook my courage and faith to the very foundation....When you are home once more and Pollie is numbered with us, which I most decidedly think she intends to be, I will fell [feel] as though my lot in life is as near complete happiness as possible on this earth...."
February 26, 1883-Provo City, Utah
"...Pollie has not been up for more than a week and I do not see much of her now, but I never saw her look so well as she does this winter. She is a great deal fleshier than I am now, for baby has taken the fat from me wonderfully. You say to reward her liberally for her kindness to me. I have done so, as far as my means, and her generosity would allow. And if she prized your love as I do, that would more than compensate her for all she has done. Oh! Will, I cannot help it, my old selfishness will intrude itself once in a while, and I sometimes wish that I could receive just one sweet word from you in which she had no thought or share. It seems so unequal to me, that I should love with the whole strength of my nature, and she so indifferently, and that she should receive the same devotion as I do, and some times I fear more, for I know the power she posseses to facinate men, which I never possessed nor cared to, only for you. I do not know how she feels, for she neither gives nor invites confidence, but I can arrive at my own conclusions, which are, that she is more favorable than heretofore and inteds to wait for you. But, Will, she never can, never will, give you the unbounded, unwavering love which I do. Saying this may bring your displeasure upon me but I cannot help it, it will come out. At times I feel almost wild for the want of some one to talk to, but as Pollie never says anything to me on that subject, I say nothing to her....You kindly advise me to pay my tithing. I have done so sometime since on every cent I have made, and I will repeat once for all, I pay my way as I go and ask favors of no one. I accept them some times when it would be churlish to refuse."

Dates

1883

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